Couples therapy focuses on the unique communication and relational patterns that form between two people over time. It is an evidence-based practice that explores the trajectory of the relationship which is often impacted by individual life histories, upbringing, milestones and mindsets to understand the current problems.
Problems can occur due to stressful work and family responsibilities, intimacy and commitment problems, incompatible personalities and individual mental health concerns like depression, anxiety, trauma or substance use to name a few. Research suggests that couples need to work through elements like behaviours that lead to disagreements, the thought process and intensity of responses, misaligned expectations, inequal distribution of managing a household and navigating boundaries with family. These situations often lead to stress, resentment and difficulty with connection and repair.
In such a nuanced landscape, I tend to focus on two things
- Interdependence and Repair – Relationships work like a unit with two people who have defined roles that develop over time. It is essential to develop communication and repair strategies to keep this unit running. A relationship built on communication and repair becomes strong enough to withstand personal differences and stressful life situations.
- Understanding judgement – In close proximity, judgements/opinions can feel like facts and lead to disconnection and mistrust. Giving the benefit of the doubt within reasonable limits can help to prioritize our partner instead of principles we hold. When we choose connection over being right, it promotes attachment and safety that motivates us to stay together.
Couples therapy does not take away from the fact that sometimes relationships do not work out due to trauma and abuse. It is designed for couples to pause, reflect and accept what needs to change and highlight what brings them together. We sincerely hope to support couples who are willing to work through things but may not know where to start.
