Your child doesn’t want to attend psychological therapy: “I don’t wanna go”, “I don’t need to keep going”, “I’ve got soccer next week”, “I just wanna stay at home and play Roblox”. Life is busy, and you’re not sure if it’s worth the effort of trying to motivate your child to continue attending.
It’s natural to want to give our children what they want, and sometimes our reasons for doing so are completely valid: maybe the individual clinician you’re working with isn’t a great fit, or doesn’t have the necessary experience to help your child with the specific difficulty they’re struggling with. Frequently, however, children’s reasons for wanting not to attend psychology sessions can be rooted in avoidance: in other words, they’re looking for an excuse not to come along because it can bring up some very uncomfortable emotions, such as anxiety.
If you think this may be the case, then consistency is key. Showing up to sessions regularly, despite the discomfort that talking about our feelings may bring up, will not only help your child to continue to build rapport with their psychologist and develop a comforting sense of routine and familiarity, it will also be an opportunity for them to learn that although experiencing unpleasant emotions can be tough, it’s important not to shrink away from them – in fact, sometimes, showing up to our emotions, or creating a little space for ourselves to sit with them is all we need to start to take back a sense of control over our own behaviour, so that our emotions don’t control us and stop us from doing the things we care about in life.
So, as much as we might like to give our children what they want, or try to protect them from fear, or anxiety, or emotional discomfort, sometimes supporting your child to show up to these emotions is what they really need, and turning up to sessions regularly so that they can explore the source of their anxieties and slowly bring about change in their own lives is what is most beneficial for their growth.
