As a psychologist who works with children and families, I am often asked by parents about the relationship between technology and mental health. As a parent to young children this is also something in the forefront of my own mind.
The evidence is now clear that since the integration of smart phones into our everyday lives, and the increasing role of social media in day-to-day life, we have seen dramatic increases in the incidence of anxiety, depression, and self-harm amongst teenagers and young people around the world.
Most adults and parents already know this, so the question becomes; how to manage the use of such technology to minimise the damage that it is causing to the developing brains and minds of our children?
This is a complicated question with no easy answers; adults themselves can struggle to manage their own use of addictive social media platforms, let alone help their children to do so amidst the pressures of the modern world. But there are some general principles that it may be helpful to keep in mind if you’re attempting to cut back on smart phone use for yourself or your child, or considering having a conversation as a family around this idea.
Firstly; our brains love social connection with other human beings (that is real face-face social connection), so when you’re with another person, put your phone down (or even better, put it somewhere else) so that you can fully engage with that individual and the interaction you’re having with them in-the-moment. For families, this might include setting aside particular times where no devices are allowed (e.g. before bed or during dinner).
Secondly, ask yourself what function the use of that social media platform or particular piece of technology might be serving – is it fulfilling a sense of curiosity about an interest, highlighting a desire for more human connection, or is it helping us to avoid the experience of certain emotions (e.g. boredom or anxiety)? Once you’ve figured out the underlying purpose of using the platform or app that’s being engaged with, that gives you the opportunity to think about and discuss other ways to fulfill those needs in a way that might be healthier or more in-line with your values as a family or individual. That might mean; organising to catchup with a friend (or a play-date for a child) in person, finding another way to engage or connect with a hobby or interest in real life, challenging yourself to learn something new, or make a plan to get out and about in the real world.
It’s also important to remind ourselves (and help our children understand) that social media is not an accurate depiction of reality, but rather a very carefully curated and presented picture of what others want the world to see – a highlight reel, so to speak, of other people’s achievements, relationship milestones, or even physical appearance. Comparing ourselves and our lives to these unrealistic and selective images is setting ourselves up to experience distress and poor mental health. If we can learn how to manage our use of technology and social media (whatever that looks like for us and our families), this can give us the chance to flourish, and the best opportunity for our kids to enjoy life to-the-full as their brains develop in the real w
