Modern society tells us that in order to feel happy we need to have more things in our lives. We are told to buy more, have more and do more. The issue is that in order to feel truly happy the things in our lives will never make us feel something that we don’t already feel. Happiness needs to have an inside out approach. If people are trying to generate it from the outside in, they are in trouble.
So how do you feel happy from the inside?
In order to generate your own happiness it is important to focus on the things that you have control over. The only person you can influence is the person in the mirror. It is okay to put yourself first from time to time. It isn’t selfish to give yourself a break every now and then. We have been told all our lives that focusing on ourselves and doing what we want is selfish and being selfish is bad. The good news is that so long as you balance out your needs as well as those around you, you’ll find happiness easier to feel and more importantly easier to self-generate.
In order to generate your own happiness it is important to focus on the things that you have control over. The only person you can influence is the person in the mirror. It is okay to put yourself first from time to time. It isn’t selfish to give yourself a break every now and then. We have been told all our lives that focusing on ourselves and doing what we want is selfish and being selfish is bad. The good news is that so long as you balance out your needs as well as those around you, you’ll find happiness easier to feel and more importantly easier to self-generate.
The challenge is trying to work out where the balance point is. When we are under pressure to keep the people around us happy our focus becomes external. We spend time working on the things we believe will keep other people happy. The rationale is that so long as we have kept the people we care about happy, that will make us feel happy. While this is normal for most people it is the exact issue which stops us from truly feeling happy within ourselves.
It feels easier to take care of others and do the things that we believe will make them happy. If they are happy with us, we will then feel better about ourselves. This starts off as a great idea and seems straight forward. The real issue is that we then become trapped in a cycle. It requires us to do more and more for other people in order to feel happy. Other people then become dependent on us to provide them their happiness. We in turn then feel used and become less happy with other people and ourselves.
If you are in this cycle, there is a way out. The first step is acknowledging that there is an issue. The second step is being aware of the times when you are putting the happiness of others in front of your own. You may need to have a couple of open and honest conversations with people in order for them to understand where you are. From there the key is to then slowly pull back and let the people around you take care of their own happiness for a while.
The message is if you want to feel truly happy don’t get sucked in to buying more things or doing more for people. Focus on your own needs, take some time out for yourself and be a little selfish for once.
